I’m sorry ahead of time for the rant… But I really just don’t care. Today outright sucked. Went and got money, went to Ange’s so she could help me get makeup set. The makeup didn’t really pan out so I ended up with just really dark eyes. Got in my priest outfit that I will admit is pretty offensive if you know me. Moment of the day was when an actual Priest came to CVS and had to be waited on by me, I could tell how uncomfortable I made him. Otherwise a very busy day at work. Walking to my car, people were yelling at me from a car calling me a faggot and telling me to wipe the cum out of my hair and wash the shit off my face before the come down and do it for me. My only response to that was bring it! I wouldn’t mind kicking a few asses. Got out and went to Mainely Brews for the Halloween party. It was packed. But I’m still not entirely sure I understand the bar scene and I don’t even know if it’s for me. Chilled for a while, had a drink. Sara won the costume contest so she was highballing and buying people drinks. I kinda just sat on my own and was kinda outcast of the people I knew. If I tried to just kinda hang with the group, things fizzled or I was just kinda left out. People suck. Hung out until 1 when everyone just kinda walked off and I just kinda left without saying anything. I didn’t feel welcome or anything. I realized that I’m still shy. I wish I could remember when I was most confident and bring back whatever it was that made me that. I feel lonely amongst my own “friends” and like a stranger in my own hometown… What’s wrong with me? I think I need some life changes or someone in my life to kinda spice up life and/or keep me on my toes. Obviously whatever I’m doing with my life right now is just making me sorrowful and lost. I hate sounding depressing. I thought I had been happier and optimistic and at peace lately, but I guess it turns out that was a lie. I’m just alone, lost, and in need of some reform.
Halloween…
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